Black Women — Strong…or Stressed?
The Science Behind Why Black Women Are Burned Out
Growing up, Black women are taught that they have to be more independent, stronger, faster, and smarter.
Black women around the world have been taught to take on any stressors without missing a beat. Millions of black women have lived this way. These generational patterns have gone on for centuries, likely stemming from centuries of generational trauma. Scholars have created a term to describe this set of qualities — the Strong Black Woman (SBW).
There are two main characteristics of the SBW:
Strength and independence — No matter what, you manage stressful situations without complaining, and you keep pushing forward. Black women have been socialized to rely only on themselves and push down emotions to get things done. In psychology, this is called emotional suppression. The chronic stress caused by overexertion and emotional suppression often leads to anxiety, depression, and health conditions. In an effort to be strong, we are actually producing more distress and problems over time.
Taking care of other people — Putting others’ needs first, even at your own expense. Black women are great at making sure family, friends, and their community are good. At the same time, they ignore self-care.
Your life matters, too.
Protecting your peace as an SBW is an act of resistance in and of itself.
If Black women continue to cope with stress in this way — taking care of others and ignore self-care, pushing down emotions, and overworking themselves, their health and mental health will suffer the consequences.
If you’re reading this, my goal in writing this isn’t for you to feel hopeless. My goal is to shine the light on unhelpful ways of coping with stress in the black community, while also giving you practical ways of protecting your peace and mental health.
Don’t be like me. I learned the hard way.
Being strong and neglecting self-care helped me in the short-term, but had detrimental effects over time.
There were many times when I neglected my mental health. I did this to surpass my goals and to prove to others that I had what it takes to succeed.
Like many of you, I grew up with the notion that I had to work harder than everyone else if I wanted to “make it.”
When I went to college, I was a small fish in a big pond. I took on a harsh course load, and despite all of my time studying, my grades suffered. To improve my grades, over the years I went into beast mode. I worked day and night, ate poorly, stopped exercising, and focused only on performing well in school.
I don’t know if I was trying to convince others that I was capable, or if I was trying to convince myself.
While my grades improved and I flourished in my career, my health and mental health suffered.
This intensity lasted for years, and followed me into my doctoral program. There were many spaces when there were no other Black women. I didn’t feel supported in academia. The microaggressions alone were stressful.
Years ago, in a room full of my classmates, my professor said that my essay was written well, and then he went on to accuse me of plagiarism. Minutes before, my White classmates praised for the quality of their essays. The audacity…
At that moment, I made up my mind. I decided to show him what I was made of. I worked overtime on my essays and psychology residency applications. I ended up being accepted into residency at Harvard Medical School. What I learned from that situation is that I can turn adversity into resilience…kind of like a superpower.
Instead of focusing so much on my anger, I channeled my anger into hard work. But, unlike my college years (when I worked hard and ignored self-care), I began to incorporate self-care into my daily routine. This is resilience.
I realize that being a SBW, I had to balance my ambition and determination with self-care and self-compassion.
For many Black women, being strong and resilient is a badge of honor. But, coping with stress with hard work, pushing down emotions, and not taking care of yourself is not helpful. It’s harmful.
It’s time to redefine strength and resilience by including self-care and joy. Embracing inward kindness will not only improve your mental health, but it will transform your relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners.
Actually, taking care of yourself is inherently taking care of those around you. Like the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
This article wasn’t written to keep Black women from being strong and badass. I wrote this to prevent Black women from experiencing the negative ways that stress affects them over time. Keep being a SBW, defying stereotypes and challenging assumptions. In the process, don’t forget to take time for yourself.
You get one life. Protect your peace and keep it movin’.
